Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
My Wife
Is Helping a Cheater!
Doctor:
My wife’s best friend is cheating on her husband. The sad
part about it is that my wife set the two of them up! I am
furious more at my wife than her friend. I am getting ready
to split up with her because of this. I believe that if she
thinks it is ok for her friend to do it, she may believe it’s
ok for her to do it too!
Needless to say, my ass is history! I know what I feel is right
for me. What would you do in this situation? I have confronted
my wife on this and she claims that the attention her friend
gets from her boyfriend is making her feel desirable again.
The point will not get lost in the fluff, and I know that
I’m in the right here!
------------------------------------- Hello!
I personally don't believe in the concept of "cheating".
If someone strays outside their marriage, they must be looking
for something. That doesn't make it right however, but without
knowing the situation much more clearly, it's hard to say that
it's specifically wrong.
Why do I believe this? Frankly, because I don't see the precepts
of marriage as most people do. As I always say, there aren't
too many divorces; there are too many marriages!
If your wife's friend wants to start dating
again, she should get divorced first - that's the "right" thing to
do. But again, neither you nor I know what's "right" for
her - only she does. My concern is that she doesn't cause permanent
damage to her husband and children (if any) because of this.
Let's talk about you and your wife. You're
willing to break up your marriage over this showing how strongly
you disagree
on this point. But, I believe there may be other things that
are causing you to feel this way. Divorce is severe - even
in the best circumstances, and men rarely come out of them
whole. I like what Robin Williams says about divorce: "...divorce
- from the Latin term for 'ripping a man's genitals out though
his wallet'".
If this is truly the only thing that is a challenge about
your relationship, why not just agree to disagree with your
wife on this point? You don't have to be happy about it, or
even accept it. Instead, just tell her that you don't agree,
and in fact, feel very strongly against it. You would never
accept that in your relationship and expect that she won't
do it - no options.
This is a situation that is highly charged and full of drama.
Your choice of a divorce over this situation is even more so.
Remember, she may have done this against your wishes, but is
it really a divorceable offense?
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
