Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Painful
Shyness and Fear
Dear Sir,
I am a 19-year-old
virgin from CA. I have yet to go on my first date. I have never
hugged, kissed, or held a girls hand. I am currently seeing
a psychiatrist. I have been on medication for about 7 months
now after a nervous breakdown.
The thing is that
I am TREMENDOUSLY SHY with women. I feel real uncomfortable
around them. I have a FEAR of them. I don't know what to do.
I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life. Please help
me.
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Hello!
If you've never
been to a gym or exercised, would you just jump right into a
ring with Mike Tyson? Of course not! You'd get your ass kicked!
That's what many men do however with relationships - they just
jump in with the "experts" (women ARE relationship
experts, believe me) and try to manage everything by "learning
as they go". That's a poor choice.
Your shyness may
have prevented you from learning the skills you need, but remember
this: it's only an excuse. Now, you're feeling anxiety because
of fear of never having a relationship - let alone the perfect
relationship for you. That fear has grown via a cycle of unhappiness,
insecurity, shyness, more fear, etc. and is standing in your
way.
However it doesn't
have to be like this! (That's why you wrote to me, right?) I
get letters every day from guys just like you that have never
had a single relationship, let alone even kissed a woman (other
than Grandma), who are in their 40's, 50's and even 60's! These
guys however learn the skills and all of a sudden - almost like
flipping a light switch - start meeting great women and get
themselves going on real relationships. You can do this too,
but you have to realize that it's going to take some real work
on your part. Here's what you're going to have to do:
1) Get yourself
in "fighting shape". This means that you're going
to need to get through your psychological issues and get moving
on your life. These issues - whatever they are - have been at
least one of the excuses (luxuries?) you've used to keep yourself
from having that relationship you deserve. Get yourself "market
ready".
2) Get educated
about women. You need to understand that women don't want to
be alone the rest of their lives any more than you do. They
are looking for great guys and want to meet someone that fits
their dreams - just like you do. All you really have to do is
to learn what they want, and be that guy! Pretty simple really.
I strongly urge you to start with "Being a Man in a Woman's
World" as it's going to give you all the basic skills and
knowledge you need to get started.
3) Set your goals,
create your plan and start working your plan! Again, "Being
a Man..." will help you here too. It's going to lead you
right through the goal setting process, show you exactly how
to build that plan, and how to start working it immediately.
Finally, you need
to realize that you're still young and have many years ahead
of you. These years can be filled with great women that are
thrilled to be with a guy like you or they can be filled with
loneliness - they choice is yours. Do something TODAY to make
tomorrow different, or it's going to be just the same. Get going
- it's your life we're talking about here!
Best regards...
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Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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