Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Going
Too Fast, Going Too Slow
Dear Dr. Neder,
What's a good way to enter into a sexual relationship so that
you don't go too fast or too slow? Sometimes if the guy goes
too fast it can be really threatening to the woman (unless
she likes it of course.)
------------------- Hello!
This is an excellent question!
The key is to not try to manipulate the relationship to either
move too fast OR too slow. You have to let it happen on it's
own at its own speed...HOWEVER...
You also need to realize that for men; contrary
to the way most women work, we need to get past the physical
in order
to get to the emotional elements. Until that happens, we never
get there! If that doesn't happen within our "window of
opportunity" it'll close and you'll NEVER have access
to our emotional sides.
Women want the emotional connection first however, so we guys
have evolved all sorts of systems in order to make you think
we're on the same page with you when in fact, we're not.
The answer then is for women to evolve too. You need to work
on growing your sexuality so that you are able to manage the
balance between the physical and emotional better. In fact,
women control sex whereas men control the relationship itself.
It's an interesting balance if you think about it: women want
the relationship controlled by men and men want the sex controlled
by women!
The biggest problem that I see is women assuming that everyone
works the same way you do. Men do not. Thus, you'll often hold
off the exact thing you'd need in order to connect with the
man you want only to find that he bangs you and leaves!
If you work on your sexuality - embracing it and seeing it
for the benefit that it is - the timing of it comes more quickly
and easily for you. You don't need to try to manipulate the
relationship artificially in order to get what you want. You
can get what you want and GIVE what you want at the same time.
In effect, both people benefit directly! This isn't threatening
at all in this case.
Best regards...
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