She's Playing Him like a Guitar

Hello Dr. Dennis:

I AM CONFUSED!

I have been trying to figure this out myself but I could not. The issue is: I have a girlfriend who claimed that she loved me. She has another guy that she says is just a friend.

Recently, she mistakenly told me that she cooks for the guy, and they eat together. Even sometime alone in his room together. The guy give her things, like money, gifts, etc.

Please I need your help on this. This girl has lied to me on several occasions. Could she be playing me this time? I tried to persuade her to tell me the truth, she maintained that they are just friends. Is it possible for them to get to that extent with any sexual relationship? The girl did not want me to leave her.

Please, could it be because of all the promises I have made for her. I am too nice to her because she is my first girlfriend. She has been in relationships that involved sex three different times.

Please I need your advice. I do not want this girl to destroy my perception of love.

Thank you.

--------------------

Hello!

Yes, you're being played. If this were just a "friend" why aren't you invited when he's there and introduced as her "boyfriend"? Yes, there's a reason.

I don't care what name she calls this guy "friend", "acquaintance", "muscle of love" or whatever. NEVER take what any woman tells you. ALWAYS look at the actions by themselves.

Yes, you are far too nice a guy by putting up with all of this - and that's exactly why she has this other guy in her life. She's hedging her bet until she can find what she's really looking for. She's hoping he can be that guy so she can dump you.

This isn't about trust which she's going to try to make it. She'll tell you that you don't trust her and how can you do that and she never did anything, and she'll start crying and ...

Blah, blah, blah...

You need to understand that this is pure misdirection. By trying to make YOU the bad guy she still gets to take advantage of you until you get it figured out. Being such a nice guy, she's also right in believing that you won't get it figured out! She has no idea that there's someone like me that'll set you straight.

Again, this isn't about trust - it's about respect. Think about this: is it respectful for her to be entertaining this other guy by herself at her place without her boyfriend there? Is it respectful to you OR the relationship - nope and nope! Think about how that looks to me and everyone else out there. You look like an idiot - and she doesn't care! She's taking advantage of your naiveté and lack of experience - and throwing it in your face to selfishly have another option until she figures out what to do with you - or this other guy sweeps her off her feet and she simply dumps you.

You need to put your foot down and tell her that you're not going to be mistreated and shit all over like this. She does NOT entertain men at her place without you there or you simply won't ever be there again. As I said, it's damn disrespectful and humiliating for her to take advantage of you and your "nice-guy attitude" like this. First, stop being the nice, understanding, trusting, caring guy! Then, go get your balls back from her purse and stand up and be the man here! Yes, this *IS* your first relationship - YOUR relationship - and you need to treat it like yours, not hers.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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