Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
She's
Playing Him like a Guitar
Hello Dr. Dennis:
I AM CONFUSED!
I have been trying to figure this out myself but I could not.
The issue is: I have a girlfriend who claimed that she loved
me. She has another guy that she says is just a friend.
Recently,
she mistakenly told me that she cooks for the guy, and they
eat together. Even sometime alone in his room together. The
guy give her things, like money, gifts, etc.
Please I need your help on this. This girl has lied to me
on several occasions. Could she be playing me this time? I
tried to persuade her to tell me the truth, she maintained
that they are just friends. Is it possible for them to get
to that extent with any sexual relationship? The girl did not
want me to leave her.
Please, could it be because of all the promises I have made
for her. I am too nice to her because she is my first girlfriend.
She has been in relationships that involved sex three different
times.
Please I need your advice. I do not want this girl to destroy
my perception of love.
Thank you.
-------------------- Hello!
Yes, you're being played. If this were just
a "friend" why
aren't you invited when he's there and introduced as her "boyfriend"?
Yes, there's a reason.
I don't care what name she calls this guy "friend", "acquaintance", "muscle
of love" or whatever. NEVER take what any woman tells
you. ALWAYS look at the actions by themselves.
Yes, you are far too nice a guy by putting up with all of
this - and that's exactly why she has this other guy in her
life. She's hedging her bet until she can find what she's really
looking for. She's hoping he can be that guy so she can dump
you.
This isn't about trust which she's going to try to make it.
She'll tell you that you don't trust her and how can you do
that and she never did anything, and she'll start crying and
...
Blah, blah, blah...
You need to understand that this is pure misdirection. By
trying to make YOU the bad guy she still gets to take advantage
of you until you get it figured out. Being such a nice guy,
she's also right in believing that you won't get it figured
out! She has no idea that there's someone like me that'll set
you straight.
Again, this isn't about trust - it's about
respect. Think about this: is it respectful for her to be
entertaining this
other guy by herself at her place without her boyfriend there?
Is it respectful to you OR the relationship - nope and nope!
Think about how that looks to me and everyone else out there.
You look like an idiot - and she doesn't care! She's taking
advantage of your naiveté and lack of experience - and
throwing it in your face to selfishly have another option until
she figures out what to do with you - or this other guy sweeps
her off her feet and she simply dumps you.
You need to put your foot down and tell her
that you're not going to be mistreated and shit all over
like this. She does
NOT entertain men at her place without you there or you simply
won't ever be there again. As I said, it's damn disrespectful
and humiliating for her to take advantage of you and your "nice-guy
attitude" like this. First, stop being the nice, understanding,
trusting, caring guy! Then, go get your balls back from her
purse and stand up and be the man here! Yes, this *IS* your
first relationship - YOUR relationship - and you need to treat
it like yours, not hers.
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
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Copyright (c) 2004-2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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