|
She Won't
Have Sex With Me!
Dear Doc.
My girlfriend and
I have been friends for a while and then we decided to start
dating. We have been together for about 3 months now. I love
her with all my heart and I would do anything for her. She has
been staying at my apartment with me for two months. I buy all
the food and don't ask her to do anything. The problem is that
she had a miscarriage with another guy last year.
I am 20 and she
is 21 I know that sex is not all the relationship but we went
19 days with out sex and it seemed not to bother her at all.
She said that she does not feel like having sex and I don't
know what to do. I don't want to break up with her because I
love her and she also said that she hurts “down there” all the
time.
I think when we
have sex she is just doing it to get me to shut up even though
she says she doesn’t but I don't want to have sex with somebody
who doesn’t want to. I would like to know what I should to do
about this. Do I need to take her to the doctor? I would really
like you to tell me what to do.
Thank you very
much for your time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello!
You are with the
wrong girl. Sorry, but that is a fact. Believe me, sex IS important
in a relationship. It's right up there in the top three; make
no mistake about it!
Right now, you're
going through the early stages of a sexless relationship. This
isn't going to get better - it's going to get worse! How would
you like to be trapped for the rest of your life in a sexless
marriage? That's exactly where you're headed with all of this.
She has whatever emotional problems regarding sex that she has.
That's not your fault, but you're not in a position to correct
it either. That may take a professional.
It also doesn't
matter how much you love her! You can't love her enough for
her to get over this problem, and as I've already told you,
sex is an important part of any healthy relationship. I stress:
HEALTHY. What you have is a situation that isn't healthy.
If you really want
to try to turn this around, you're going to have to do the following
things:
1) Sit down and
talk with her openly and frankly (assuming that she will even
do this - if she won't, you have your answer!)
2) Explain that
regular sex is an important part of a healthy relationship (tell
her I said so if you want).
3) Tell her that
you're committed to working through this problem if she is.
4) Agree to get
her to a doctor to make sure that she has no physical problems
that make sex painful.
5) If there are
no physical problems, ask her to see a sex therapist and find
out why she's having this problem.
If she is unwilling
to do any of these things, you then have two choices:
1) Just resign
yourself to be in a sexless relationship, (of course, you'll
always have your hand), or,
2) Move on and find someone that does have a healthy attitude
toward sex.
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
