Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
How Do
I Start Dating?
Doc, you gotta help me!
I'm
a 19 year old male, single and I haven't dated much. I've
only been in one relationship and am now looking for a woman
to be with and I just don't know where to look or even how
to approach someone. My female cousins say to go to the movies,
the mall, etc. but that doesn't tell me how to find someone,
approach them and ask them for a date!
Where do I go from here?
--------------------- Hello!
Let's
start here: learning to find and approach women isn't some
magic trick. It's just a skill like any other skill you learn.
The
problem is that you have to learn it! Very, very few guys actually
take the time to learn how it's done and thus, spend years
of their lives failing and eventually settling with only what
they have dropped in their laps.
In
fact, so many guys actually write to me asking for that very
thing - how to get women to fall into their laps, do all
their work for
them, etc., etc., that it's no longer funny!
Here's
the reality: just like animals we have our own mating and
dating rituals. You want to learn how these work and then
know where
you can bend or break those rules to your advantage. If that
seems calculated, in fact it is!
Here's a summary of the basic skills you need:
1)
How and where to find women that match you well, and knowing
how to figure out which ones those are.
2) Knowing how to begin the set-up
3) How to perform the initial approach
4) How to create initial interest
5) How to get a conversation going
6)
How to build rapport and connection (absolutely critical
because this leads directly to attraction)
7)
How to illicit the sorts of responses you want based on what
you want to accomplish. Specifically, there are only 3 goals
in the approach:
digits, and impromptu date or sex.
8) Knowing how to close for your specific goal
9) How to move things forward after the initial meeting
10) How to set up the first date
11) How to build even more rapport and connection on the date
12) How
to "convert": dates to sex,
sex to relationships, relationships into
stronger relationships
...etc....
There are other steps in between and after these as well!
That
may seem like a lot to learn, but in fact, it's not. It's
all part of a system you already have built right into you!
What you don't
yet know are the ways to bring those things out and manage
them to reach your goals. This includes things like confidence,
sense of humor, expressing
power, etc.
The
bad news is that I can't possibly teach you all these things
via these messages. The great news however is that I don't
have to. All
of this is outlined very clearly in my books, "Being a
Man in a Woman's World I & II". Think of these tools
as your textbooks into this game; how to play it and more important,
how to win it.
This
is why you get non-answers from your cousins by the way!
They tell you things like "go to the mall" because
they sincerely want to help, but just don't know how. Interestingly,
women don't know how to approach other women! They don't
have to do this, they don't learn the skills and they don't
have those natural hunter-instincts built into them. They
have very
different ones however and you want to learn these as well
since you'll be dealing with all of those as you learn your
side of it.
Bottom
line is this: just like you need to study the craft you plan
to do as your career, you need to study this craft as well.
The great
news however is that once you learn these things, those skills
will be with you the rest of your life. Now just where do
you think you're going to spend the majority of your quality
time - working behind a desk or at some job that gets repetitive
and boring or in the arms of some girl that you love and
that loves you because you know just how to be everything
she ever wanted?
Best regards...
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Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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