Stop Being A Clingy Jerk!

Dear Neder,

I just broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. We had been going out for 6 months. The first 3 months we were so happy and couldn't spend a day apart. Then we made a mistake and she needed to have an abortion, so I found a clinic and checked it out for her.

Things still went well for about a month, and then she asked to see me less because she felt she didn't have enough free time. But I didn’t give her the time, so she then asked for a break, after the break she still needs more time when I question her about the relationship, she decided we break up. She said that I'm the second person she ever loved, and still loves me; also I'm the hottest guy she ever dated, even when we broke up. But after a week she's wearing a ring of her ex-boyfriend. I need some help to what I should do to get her back?

Thanks!

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Hello!

Here's probably what happened: first you smothered her by being too clingy, then, when she needed some healing time, you wouldn't give that to her either!

Man! Do I see this all the time or what?

My brother, you've got to allow some distance between you and any woman you're interested in. Most men think that if they can dominate a woman's time, then no other man will be able to get in and bust their game. The fact is, this almost always works against you!

Sure, when you're first in a relationship you want to be with that person all the time, but again, you have to resist this urge. The needs time for her "feminine mind" to work - building up her image of you, who you are, how much she misses - and needs - you, etc. You just didn't give her that time, so guess what? She went to the first person whose absence she DID have - her ex-boyfriend!

Stop practicing this stupidity right now!!!

This is a good time to implement my patented (pending), "Zero-Contact Policy". Do NOT contact her in any way, for any reason, at any time over the next three to four months, (it's going to take at least that long for her to get the distance you should have given her in the beginning). During that time, you need to get yourself back out into the game in case this doesn't work, (there's only about a 50% chance of savaging a situation like this once you've made these mistakes!)

Start meeting and dating other women - and having a great time. This is going to change your attitude completely and make you seem like a much-less needy jerk. This step is critical to any success you might get.

You're probably wondering, "If I'm out of the picture, doesn't that give her the freedom to find someone else?" Yes, absolutely it does. That's the situation you've created by being so clingy in the first place. It you want to rectify the situation, take back that power and stop being scared. This is actually how you gain the power in relationships in the first place.

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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