Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Take That
Risk!
Many men and women
aren't successful in meeting or dating because they aren't willing
to take a risk - the risk to say "hello", the risk
to say "yes", the risk to ask for a phone number,
the risk to set-up a date, the risk to ask for what you want,
etc. They want everything in a nice risk-free, safe container.
I'm going to give you 10 reasons why you should become a risk
taker in a moment.
What does risk
mean to you? Ultimately it means to put yourself out there and
open up to opportunities. The Chinese use the same symbols to
mean "crisis" and opportunity. These literally translate
to "Crisis is an opportunity riding the dangerous wind".
If you're not taking advantage of opportunity, you're actually
using your actions to fail.
When I talk about
risk, I'm not suggesting that your hurl yourself off a building
at the end of a rubber band. I'm talking about "measured
risk" - that risk that will bring you greater value than
you can lose. Dating is really all about this. It's really about
the opportunity to get something you want that you don't already
have while managing your risk.
Let's look at why
you should take that risk:
If not now, when?
If you don't do
something today to change the way things are, tomorrow is going
to be the same. So will next week, next month, and next year.
Of course, if you're happy about the way things are, then do
nothing. On the other hand, what are you waiting for? Get going!
You're not so special
as to fail every time!
Sure, you're special
bunky! But, you're not so special that you can avoid success.
The only way to do fail is to give up, or to never get started
trying. So, you've got to get moving and active. Do something
- even a small thing. Then, do something else. Once you get
started, these actions become habit and you'll find that you're
doing something to improve your life all the time.
You've got game!
If you're reading
this on the Internet, you have a wealth of information available
to you right now. Not only will this information help boost
your confidence, but you can make all of this a game. Read what
others have to say and find the advice that seems to work for
you. Try things and keep score - this quickly becomes a game.
Your "Mark"
Doesn't Want To Be Alone Anymore Than You Do!
This is an important
point that many people miss. He or she doesn't want to be by
themselves the rest of their lives any more than you do. So,
you already have that leg-up - and something in common!
You're no safer
trying to avoid risk than by seeking it!
Studies show that
danger is all around us. Who would have thought that just sitting
in your office in a skyscraper, you'd be at risk of losing your
life? The victims of America's recent terrorist attack understand
this only too well.
So, what do you
really risk by seeking not risk? The possibility of not having
what you really wanted from your life. The knowledge that you
settled. The pain of watching others get what they want while
you don't.
Get what YOU want,
or accept what life gives you
Sure, it's "safe"
to simply wait, but then you have to take what you get - if
anything. If you set out to make things the way you want, you
may fail, but if you're goals are big enough, you're going to
succeed along the way!
For example, if
you set your sights on hitting the roof, you may only get the
side of the building. If you set your sights on the stars, you
may only get the moon! On the other hand, the stars could be
yours too! Not a bad trade off - a little risk for a lot of
gain.
Life's short
You have a limited
number of days here. Further, you don't know how big (or small)
that number is. Of course, we all hope it is a very, very large
number. But, you can't really plan for that effectively, and
like the poet said, "tomorrow never comes", all you
have is today. Get going!
Put failure into
perspective.
What does failure
mean? Does it mean embarrassment or does it mean the loss of
an eye or a limb. The risk I'm talking about is absolutely minor.
Maybe you'll get shot-down when you ask her for a date or maybe
he'll turn out to be a jerk if you accept. But, what are the
possible benefits? You might make a new friend, get that number
or meet the mate you've been looking for.
Learn to succeed!
What if you could
manage and reduce your risk? What if you could reduce it to
almost nothing? You can! Arm yourself with information. Buy
that book, read that article, ask that question - in short,
get yourself educated.
On the other hand,
don't WAIT until you ARE educated. Some people use their education
as an excuse. They spend their lives collecting information,
but never learn how to use it. Do you know that your doctor
didn't really know how to treat illness when he or she left
school? They spent all those years studying ABOUT diseases,
symptoms and cures. They didn't spent much time at all learning
HOW to cure. That's where you come in. Every patient is a new
experiment.
As well, every
new person you meet is a new experiment. Thus, gather up information,
knowledge and experience; keep track of what works and what
doesn't work - but GET TO WORK!
What do you have
to lose?
Nobody likes to
hear "no". Some people go out of their way to avoid
"no's", but not wise people. Many salespeople actually
make it their goal to get a certain number of "no's"
everyday. Why would the focus on this? Because, if you're going
after a number of "no's", you can't help but get "yes's"
along the way.
Don't let fear
rule your world - make it your ally. What do you have to lose?
Being alone on Saturday night!
Best regards...
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Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
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Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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