Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
I Want
A Baby - Man or No Man
Dr. Dennis,
So I am about
to turn 33. I'm financially stable and have a great career.
But when it comes to dating I
don't feel like I've found the "1" so I am
starting to think about having a baby on my own... scary.
I
know
it's not the ideal idea. Trust me, I imagined having
met Mr. Amazing and fell in love. But, as I got more
self sufficient
I got more picky. I'd like someone who can love me
for me. I didn't need to put up with guys treating me badly
...I want a child though and my clock is ticking...
Is
that so bad?
So I went to your
site to see what it's like to date once you have a child
and was blown away!!
You've
described women with children (with the first word
as DON'T) who are looking for a father, health insurance,
gold diggers...
wow. There's a whole generation out there that loves
and wants children without any strings attached.
I am
disappointed
with your biased opinion of women. I'm sure that
type does exist... but the last thing I'll need is someone
paying
my bills...as many women in their 30s are starting
to face this dilemma of do you go ahead and have a child
if it's
something you really truly want??...
Please be more
aware of their choices and why they are making them.
God forbid
they are actually looking for a great partner and
companionship.
Not someone who can drive car-pool. Remember girl,
some of us can afford to have children on our own and
are happy with their decision.
------------------------
Hello!
Thanks for
your comments. I'm not entirely sure where to start with
you,
so I'll just
dive right in:
First of all,
that old chestnut "I
want someone that can love ME for ME" translates
to: "I
don't want to have to bring anything to
my relationship. I don't want to have to
grow
or change or BE
anything in particular for my partner.
I just want to get
- to take
- without any strings attached. Then, when
things don't work out exactly as I want
them too or
if I get angry
or upset by anything, I can just up and
leave. After all,
I TOLD the guy that I just wanted someone
to love ME for ME!"
Really, what the
hell?
If you seriously
think this is what you want,
NO WONDER
you can't
find a good
man! You're in it entirely for you
(more proof to follow) and have nothing to
offer any man!
So what
- you can
feed and clothe yourself. Big f*cking
deal! You're only going
to attract men that are in it for themselves
too. It almost seems like the perfect
match! Regarding
children:
here
are just some of the problems: First,
it's just more selfishness on your part. Consider
this:
children don't ask to be born,
it's based on some adult (sometimes
even TWO!) that
selfishly want a carbon-copy of themselves.
They
imagine all the attention they'll get walking around
with that little living doll that they get to
dress up
and will re-make
them into
the perfect image of humanity: themselves.
The problem with this is that children
will only
put up with
this for a year or so until they
begin to realize that they
aren't
little play-things. They have a sense
of self and even believe they have "rights".
Then the "terrible
two's and three's and four's" kick
in and it's only downhill from there!
By six
or seven,
they'll
be expecting
cell phones and trips to Europe!
Next,
you just want to have kids because
you want them,
not
because it's
the best
thing for the kid at all! Study
after study continues to show that children
raised
in a single-parent
household are far, FAR more likely
to have all sorts of social
adaptation
issues later on in life. They are
far more likely to drop out of
school, experiment with drugs,
commit crimes,
and
even suicide. If it's a girl, she's
far more likely to become a pregnant
teenager.
Of
course, you're
a superwoman,
and YOU'D never have a child like
that,
right? Mom's own selfish example
will NEVER
be seen
by the kid!
Oh wait,
there's more! Since you have such
a great job, you can't afford to
leave
it and
thus, you'll
be back
working within
6 months of having your kid. That
means that while mommy's at work,
someone
ELSE will
be raising the
kid. I bet
his first words will sound a lot
like "mamma" in
Spanish! Of course, you're not
going to be getting any sleep for
the first
3 years
and
you'll be
among the walking
dead at work, so your productivity
will drop to zero, and your co-workers
will
have to
pick up
the slack
for you.
I'm sure they won't mind however,
because you're a MOMMY!
You'll probably
experience
added stress
because
your
job will be in jeopardy and you
may even need to cut back your
hours. Of course your social
life will also drop to nothing because
you need
to be home
taking
care of
the kid! What's
that I hear? You're not going
to stop partying? Well great for you!
Bad for
your kid however.
Also, men
are far less
likely to date single mothers,
so that drops your pool of potential
fathers
for your spawn
even further!
You'll
be so overwhelmed with motherhood
that you'll just have to settle
for
any
guy that finally
comes along
and doesn't
bolt because of your being
a mom! Some "choice"!
Yes, there IS a whole generation
that wants kids without any
strings attached.
That's
exactly the problem! With
kids come strings - you can't
avoid it. So when
the reality kicks in and you
begin to realize just how
selfish that
is, you begin to hide it and
look to idols to prove you were right
all along.
Look
at Jaime
Lynn Spears
as an
example. She's doing it right
(just like her mother before her)
and you KNOW how great the
Spears girls turned out, right? Of course,
that's
only one example
in a sea
of examples!
Being able to
afford having children doesn't make you a "mother" any
more than having a function
reproductive system does. That's just ridiculous!
Now, let's consider
the alternative,
shall
we? What if instead, you took
the time and made the effort
to work
on yourself
so that
you were
a better
partner
for the "1" so that
when he comes along, he sees
this and
even sees
his own
unborn children
in your
eyes.
Then, you two horn-dogs get
together and have an incredible
romance
that lasts the
ages,
get married
and have that
same child. Now, not only does
she have a father figure (and
the respect
of all
the
other fatherless
children
at school), but she has a mommy
that is focused and concentrated
on her
well-being. Then,
she grows up
with a family full
of love and support only to
turn around and give that back
to her own children because
her
parents weren't selfish, self-centered
assholes?
Dare I dream?
Best regards...
> Home > Dr.
Neder Relationship Advice: Main Page
- - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -
Have a love, relationship,
sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write
to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
products visit: www.beingaman.com.
Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2004-2011, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
|
