Online dating tips and relationship advice from Dr. Neder...
Learning
to Climax During Intercourse
Dear Dr Neder
I have a sexual problem. I enjoy having sex, but it seems
I never reach orgasm. It's really bothering me because I can
reach orgasm only by stimulating the clitoris, but when I am
having sex with my boyfriend it just doesn't happen. Could
you tell me what can I do?
---------------------- Hello!
First of all, this isn't exactly the problem it seems to be.
I'll explain that in a minute.
Do you know that 2/3's of women are just like you? They can't
reach climax from intercourse alone either! This isn't odd
at all. In fact, not only is your sexuality much more complicated
than men's but your sexual anatomy is more complicated too.
While having an orgasm during sex is a great thing, it shouldn't
be your specific goal. Instead, your goal should be to have
a great, satisfying sex life in whatever form it takes. Let's
say that while you don't know how to climax (yet) from sex,
but your man gives you some glorious orgasms orally or manually
either before or after having sex with you, is that a bad thing?
Absolutely not!
Sex is about connection and communication as much as it is
about the relief of sexual tension. All of the things combined
together make it more than just the orgasm alone.
That's not to say however that you absolutely can't climax
during intercourse however, but you may need to go about it
in a somewhat different way. Your own masturbation is they
key.
I hope you masturbate regularly and often. It's important
for many reasons from improving your overall health to letting
you explore your sexuality in a safe, private way. Just as
important, it's a ton of fun!
HOW you masturbate is just as important however. Some women
use just their fingers; some use vibrators, some use the bathtub
faucet or shower massager, some rub against pillows or blankets,
etc. There are tons of ways for women to masturbate.
Now, let's say that you introduced that masturbation into
your sex. Obviously, you can masturbate to climax by yourself,
but what if you were to masturbate while your lover is inside
of you? For instance, let's say that you masturbate with your
fingers or a vibrator. You can include this during sex! The
best way is for you to position yourself with your shoulders
on the bed (or floor or wherever) with your ass in the air.
Your lover enters you from behind and you can either rub your
clit or use your vibrator at the same time.
This may take a little practice, but trust me; you'll start
having climaxes while you're having sex. Even more important,
you'll actually be training your own mind that intercourse
equals orgasm. Some women are able to learn to cum simply through
intercourse with this technique.
This can
even become a game where you and your partner go out and
find the perfect toy to use. There are
many different
ones from straight dildo-like vibrators, to the "pocket
rocket" (something I believe all women should carry in
their purses!) to vibrating cock rings. You can explore all
of these fun toys as part of your sexual experience. This is
[pun intended] fucking-fun!
Whether you do or not isn't really the point however. Having
a fulfilling, healthy, happy, exciting sex life IS. Don't obsess
on when or how you cum - just cum and love doing it!!!
Best regards...
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Have a love, relationship,
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to me at dwneder@beingman.com
for answers. For more information about my books, "Being
a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other
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Copyright (c) 2004-2008, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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