Learning to Climax During Intercourse

Dear Dr Neder

I have a sexual problem. I enjoy having sex, but it seems I never reach orgasm. It's really bothering me because I can reach orgasm only by stimulating the clitoris, but when I am having sex with my boyfriend it just doesn't happen. Could you tell me what can I do?

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Hello!

First of all, this isn't exactly the problem it seems to be. I'll explain that in a minute.

Do you know that 2/3's of women are just like you? They can't reach climax from intercourse alone either! This isn't odd at all. In fact, not only is your sexuality much more complicated than men's but your sexual anatomy is more complicated too.

While having an orgasm during sex is a great thing, it shouldn't be your specific goal. Instead, your goal should be to have a great, satisfying sex life in whatever form it takes. Let's say that while you don't know how to climax (yet) from sex, but your man gives you some glorious orgasms orally or manually either before or after having sex with you, is that a bad thing? Absolutely not!

Sex is about connection and communication as much as it is about the relief of sexual tension. All of the things combined together make it more than just the orgasm alone.

That's not to say however that you absolutely can't climax during intercourse however, but you may need to go about it in a somewhat different way. Your own masturbation is they key.

I hope you masturbate regularly and often. It's important for many reasons from improving your overall health to letting you explore your sexuality in a safe, private way. Just as important, it's a ton of fun!

HOW you masturbate is just as important however. Some women use just their fingers; some use vibrators, some use the bathtub faucet or shower massager, some rub against pillows or blankets, etc. There are tons of ways for women to masturbate.

Now, let's say that you introduced that masturbation into your sex. Obviously, you can masturbate to climax by yourself, but what if you were to masturbate while your lover is inside of you? For instance, let's say that you masturbate with your fingers or a vibrator. You can include this during sex! The best way is for you to position yourself with your shoulders on the bed (or floor or wherever) with your ass in the air. Your lover enters you from behind and you can either rub your clit or use your vibrator at the same time.

This may take a little practice, but trust me; you'll start having climaxes while you're having sex. Even more important, you'll actually be training your own mind that intercourse equals orgasm. Some women are able to learn to cum simply through intercourse with this technique.

This can even become a game where you and your partner go out and find the perfect toy to use. There are many different ones from straight dildo-like vibrators, to the "pocket rocket" (something I believe all women should carry in their purses!) to vibrating cock rings. You can explore all of these fun toys as part of your sexual experience. This is [pun intended] f*cking-fun!

Whether you do or not isn't really the point however. Having a fulfilling, healthy, happy, exciting sex life IS. Don't obsess on when or how you cum - just cum and love doing it!!!

Best regards...

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Have a love, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volume I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

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