KissMeGoodnight
eLearning Series:
How To Tell A Great Relationship
From A Totally Unhealthy One
Bad,
Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics
Just say
yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain
limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For
example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult
time saying “No” and setting limits, his or her mate could
always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first
in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine
to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for
priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel
and share the value of being number one with one another.
Kick the
Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense
(although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic
of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes
home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking
it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier
people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress.
Help is available.
Lemons
– Unhealthy relationships often have at least
one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s
lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe
the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this
department!
Management
Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager
personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship.
Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give
and take is called for.
“Neverland”
– Ever heard something this in an argument, “You
never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip
the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy
relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does
not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just
seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes
(not always, though!)
Ominous
– Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep
inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies
unhealthy relationships.
Pressure
– When one party pressures (or forces) the other
to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.
Questions
– Part of communicating is asking and answering
questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the
simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting,
etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships.
The party who has difficulty answering questions may be
hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing
with substance abuse (or other).
Responds
Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy
relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate,
using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate
responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.
Silence
– Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes.
If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a
solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an
unhealthy relationship.
Treatment
– If healthcare treatments are being ignored or
stopped without the help of a professional; for example,
in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after
a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal
an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of
themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in
relationships.
Untidy
/ Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards
physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just
for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship.
One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or
suffering depression.
Verbal
Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use
verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s
person or personal property, things or friends, this can
be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should
respect each other and each other’s property, things and
friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.
Weapons
– Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if
it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a
sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Xerox
– A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when
a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself.
Some personality disorders are also characterized by this
trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy
relationships. And help is available.
Youthful
Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude
toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook,
and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners.
Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and
face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility,
selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing
partnerships.
Zero – Growing
relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult
to multiply. Got to start somewhere!
 
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