KissMeGoodnight
eLearning Series:
How To Tell A Great Relationship
From A Totally Unhealthy One
Online
(and Classified Ad) Dating
The Internet is
still pretty safe overall, even for seniors, according to
research of various Internet safety sites like WiredSafety.org
who estimated a 90 – 97 percent “terrific” Internet. People
are chatting with one another, making cyber-dates. However,
there are some general rules of Internet etiquette or “netiquette”
and some precautions to take for possible dangers lurking
there. Here are some pointers compiled from several websites
experienced in cyber-dating techniques and most tips work
for those who reply to classified ads, too.
SAFETY
TIPS
1. Do
Not Give Out Personal Information - Whether it’s
via email, online chat rooms, message boards, in your personal
ad, etc., do not disclose your personal information like
your complete name, address, telephone number, work place,
etc. And use a third party email address instead of one
with your domain or work domain, too, that is easily traceable.
For example, instead of using joe@seniortimes.com , set
up an email account like joe@yahoo.com or joe@hotmail.com
(search “free email accounts for places like this). Preferred
dating sites offer email forwarding so that members do
not see private information like this. So if you are on
one that differs or makes you uncomfortable, move along
and click elsewhere.
2. Do
Not Lie - Be up front about your age and appearance.
Better to not be caught in lies later on or lead someone
on falsely.
3. Be
Tactful and Leary - Do not believe everything
you read in posts, in emails: in general online. You could
be chatting with a child or someone faking their sexual
orientation. The odds are that you will probably encounter
someone a tad “undesirable” from time to time, so try to
use appropriate replies, using tact, or ignore the encounter,
if it suits the situation.
4. Use
Caution in Sharing Images - Whenever you think
about sharing a digital photo online, keep in mind that
it may be possible for thousands to see it on the Internet,
not just one person. Plus your photo can be copied, altered
with different software out there today and posted elsewhere.
If you do use your image, send one that shows you with
a warm smile, not a frown.
5. Ask
if Unsure - Go slow like the tortoise in the race
with the hare and ask questions if you are unsure how to
proceed in your contact and communications. Contact the
site owner or webmaster (check for contact info when you
register), ask trusted friends for helpful resources, check
with local authorities. Remember that old adage, “Better
safe than sorry!”
6. Be
careful if you decide to meet for the first date. Remember
there is safety in numbers, so meet in a public place with
other friends around.
7. Keep
copies of communications in a file so that you
can show friends or the law in case your meeting or continued
contact takes a bad turn. And do report any problems and
cooperate with authorities. They can get information from
your computer and communications to aid in tracking down
culprits in some cases. Don’t try to take matters into
your own hands and stalk the culprit yourself, though.
Be safe.
8. Let
men instigate online and offline relationships. Men
still like to pursue. Online studies show that this has
proven safer, too, with Internet dating. Men should make
the first email move. And women should NOT reply to men’s
ads; let the men pursue. (Sorry guys!)
9. So
that you don’t appear anxious or desperate or both, generally
wait for a day or 24-hour period before replying. And
forget about replying on weekend and holidays, at least
at first, and being available via instant messaging. This
is especially important for women (double standards are
still around and even exist in the Internet dating scene)
– you want to “appear” socially active, confident – blah,
blah, blah, even if you are just home washing your hair.
10. Don’t
date someone who is already married to someone else –
even if that person says he or she is getting a divorce.
Let the divorce happen first. Otherwise things could get
ugly. And you may even have to face the spouse / ex-spouse
and children down the road. So think of others, too, when
even considering someone who is not single.
11. If
after several emails or letters you decide to talk on the
phone, keep the first call short, around 10 minutes. Plan
to have to “rush” off. Your goal is to hear the person’s
voice and talk a short while only, not seeming over anxious.
12. Some
gents do complain that the ladies do not reply. So
ladies, reply! At least say, “No, thank you.”
 
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