KissMeGoodnight
eLearning Series:
How To Tell A Great Relationship
From A Totally Unhealthy One
Top
10 Bad, Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics
Unhealthy, Sad
Relationships have some general notable characteristics in
common. Here are the top 10 basic essentials for reference.
They are in alphabetical order only, not order of importance.
Avoidance
Many people in unhealthy relationships simply
avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this.
For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may
be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps
they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really
aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might
cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is
always late coming home from work and almost always misses
family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality
and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B
is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect
image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding
the fact that Person B is a workaholic.
Burnout
Although many can carry out romance throughout
their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period
does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the
“love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly
during their relationship, have better chances of healthier
relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know
where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short,
every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low
times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned
with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed
or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives,
like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another
mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative
behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead,
the couple needs to face issues together; add some new
goals to the relationship, do some fun things together
more, talk more, etc.
Compatibility
Issues
Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s
great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships
are about getting your needs met – at least on some level.
And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy.
So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted
them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy,
sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with
which they can’t agree.
Devotional
Void
A lack of commitment or ardent love can
make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates
is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another.
Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement,
but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make
the difference.
Enthusiasm
Dwindles
If you don’t add in some spice once
in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples
caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm;
i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget
to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their
relationship with fun, adventure, romance.
Forgiveness
Void
No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part
of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty
much count on having more unhealthy relationships over
time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust,
resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack
of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending
to or they’ll die.
Guise
Simulated relationships
or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship
are not destined
for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false
does, as Forrest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin
and doesn’t last long.
Harm
Harmful
thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships.
An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be
considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been
raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the
other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those
and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy
in relationships – or life.
Indulgence
Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy
behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy
a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another
mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations
and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.
Just say
yes
Not being able
to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible
path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in
the relationship has a difficult time saying “No” and setting
limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third
or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and
agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile,
people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships,
both parties feel and share the value of being number one
with one another.
 
> Home > Healthy
vs. Unhealthy Relationships - Main Page
|
