KissMeGoodnight
Article Series: Infidelity & Cheating
Is My Partner Cheating On Me?
Your
Marriage Made Him/Her Do It?
by Dr. Robert Huizenga
Infidelity has different faces...and different
signs and patterns.
Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps
feel the overwhelm and confusion.
Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control,
confidence and power once they pinpoint the situational signs
of infidelity.
Understanding IS the beginning of healing.
But, to accelerate breaking free you need to dig into and
nail down the signs and patterns of infidelity.
Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well,
there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work
and research, I've identified 7.
And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of
infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those
specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much
grief.
Let's begin here.
One kind of affair I write about in my e-book,
Break
Free From the Affair is called, "My Marriage Made
Me Do It."
Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind
of affair:
1.
Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment
to the other person. The other person will consistently be
on her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the
children, the household and her career to her affair relationship.
She will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse will attempt
to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you, closing off
communication or walking away.
2.
The affair will most likely be a long-term affair. It will
be very difficult for your spouse to walk away from the other
person. He may try on a number of occasions but will continue
to gravitate back to the other person. He will hold on tenaciously.
This is probably the first or only affair for your spouse.
Your spouse is not interested in playing or fooling around
but powerfully attaching to the other person. The other person
is the savior!
3.
Don’t believe that the affair was planned before hand because
of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen. They
usually happen with someone in close proximity: co-worker,
neighbor, friend (frequently of friends with whom you socialize),
etc. The other person is usually the aggressor, your spouse
lacking the confidence to seek out the affair. The rationale
that it happened because of a lousy marriage comes after the
affair is in bloom.
4.
The more you try to persuade, convince or pursue, the more
strongly he will attach to the other person. He will perceive
your efforts as weakness and will want to attach more intently
to the other person whom he (at perhaps an unconscious level)
deems to be the powerful and loving answer-to-all.
5.
Efforts to use moral or religious arguments to call a halt
to the affair will be strongly resisted. Your spouse is not
guided by rightness or wrongness. These standards have not
been internalized and do not carry much weight, especially
when it comes to the important chunks of her life. The actions
and thoughts of your spouse primarily originate from her need
to attach to another person. Any behavior or concept that serves
the purpose of maintaining the attachment will be valued. Others
are discarded.
6.
Expect you will spend a significant amount of time and
emotional energy in the next 2 to 4 years (especially if there
are children) attempting to resolve the relationship. By resolve,
I mean, coming to a point where each of you are fairly free
of the emotional entanglement that holds you together and generates
the pain and fear. It will be important for you to resolve
the relationship whether you continue to be married or separate
and divorce.
Does this fit your situation?
Please remember that I'm describing the worst case scenario.
Marriages exhibiting this kind of affair can be saved. But,
it requires an overhaul of the typical patterns in the relationship.
Do you see the importance of understanding in-depth the signs
of infidelity? Once you do, you will have many more options
available that will help you break free.
Learn
how NOT to blow it. Clear your mind! Get Relief!
Sign
up now for Dr. Huizenga's Free E-course.
# # # # #
KissMeGoodnight.com
: 2008
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