KissMeGoodnight
Article Series: Infidelity & Cheating
Is My Partner Cheating On Me?
Signs
of a Cheating Spouse...and how they differ from Signs of
Infidelity
by Dr. Robert Huizenga
Cheating is different from infidelity?
Yes, I believe so. Signs of a cheating spouse will be different
from signs of infidelity.
In talking to thousands of people embroiled with a cheating
spouse or infidelity over the past two plus decades, I've noticed
a difference. In our society the word cheating carries different
meaning than infidelity.
This is important for someone discerning the
signs of a cheating spouse or the signs of infidelity. A
person who "cheats" is
different from someone who is involved in "infidelity."
Cheating
is most closely described in my e-book as someone who "Doesn't Want to Say No." This is
only one of 7 kinds of affairs. The other six kinds of affairs
lean more
in the direction of infidelity.
The true cheater is a rather rare bird, but is probably most
glamorized and comes closest to our stereotype of cheating
or infidelity.
Infidelity, in general, is marked by confusion, pain, doubt,
ambivalence and a period of craziness in a person's life.
Cheating is an ongoing lifestyle.
Here are some signs of a cheating spouse: (substitute the
word she for he, if you like.)
1.
There most likely will be more than one other person. He
sees affairs as conquests, usually sexual, and not as a place
to find intimacy. Actually he lacks many of the tools and the
mind set to have intimate relationships. He most likely will
move from one conquest to another. His gratification on a basic
level remains primary.
2.
He will have little internal conflict about the affair. This differs markedly from the person who can't say no. Your
spouse will view the affair or affairs as entitlement. He deserves
them. He deserves to be adored. He deserves to have excitement
and personal gratification in his life. He has earned it. There
is nothing wrong with this. Actually others, perhaps you included,
ought to understand this!
3.
He will operate in a world that supports his illusion and
behavior. He will surround himself with those who look the
other way or actually encourage his philandering behavior.
You will probably not find yourself welcomed in this world.
He and his colleagues and friends collude to maintain their
world.
4.
You might run into a problem with the other person or persons. Remember the movie, Fatal Attraction?
The other person might
attach herself to him with specific expectations to be cared
for and perhaps married - perhaps part of his strategy in his
conquest efforts. When she is "dumped" or the expectations
fail to materialize she may pursue revenge. You might be involved.
5.
You may not experience a great deal of conflict with him. There is no talk of divorce. Your life might be quite copasetic
- unless you rock the boat. He has his playtime and you fill
another specific role of quiet support. Keep the balance and
life moves along fairly seamlessly.
6.
There is one problem, however. The problem of aging. Depending on his social context, you might become
a liability as you
increasingly fail to project a young attractive vibrant image.
He wants those around him to reflect back beauty and perfection.
If you fail in this regard you may be cast aside. Part of this
depends on the financial cost of such "trade-in."
7.
His fragile, illusionary world and yours may crumble if
he encounters failure. Failure is his "Achilles heel." Unfortunately,
the distortion and illusion he lives under do not always coincide
with reality. He pushes and bends the rules to his advantage.
He may not pay close attention to the consequences of his behavior.
Those consequences - legal, financial or health - may bite
him at some point. He most likely will count on you to be there
for him, to cry on your shoulder (perhaps literally) and help
him regain his confidence.
Learn
how NOT to blow it. Clear your mind! Get Relief!
Sign
up now for Dr. Huizenga's Free E-course.
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KissMeGoodnight.com
: 2008
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