KissMeGoodnight
Article Series: Nice Guy Dating
I Just Want a Great Woman, Dammit!
How
Do I Know If I’m Really in Love?
One of the toughest questions in life is,
“Is this love?” How can you know for sure that you are really
in love? When you were a kid, you might have thought you were
deeply and madly in love with the girl who sat next to you
in Biology.
You thought about her all of the time and you figured you’d
grow up and marry her. Now that you’re older, you probably
realize that those were your pubescent and confusing hormones
in action.
The trouble is, your hormones can still make you think you’re
in love! So how do you know if it’s love, lust, desperation
or a crush? The incredibly heady feelings that precede real
love leave us with pounding hearts and churning stomachs.
These feelings can make you feel good, excited, foolish and
like you could sprint five miles. They’re all a part of love,
or the beginnings. But before we look too closely at love,
let’s take a quick look at those feelings that can (sort of)
mimic love:
- Lust
– It’s simple to identify because it’s based on her sexuality.
You aren’t too interested in what she thinks or
the names of her two cats. Lust doesn’t often turn into
love, but it’s nice to be in love and feel lust for that
person.
- Desperation
– A sinking feeling of grasping. You feel like you really
need her to like you and you can’t
stand to
think of her with anyone else. You just want her to want
you.
- A
Crush – It’s sort of like the beginnings of love. You feel
all of those butterflies or bumble bees in your
stomach
when
you see her. You think about her a lot. You grin when
you think about her. A crush begins the same way as love,
and sometimes
turns into love over time.
But
love, once the excited butterfly stage passes, grows into
something that a crush itself does not, and desperation or
lust can’t. The signs you’re in love are subtle, but you can
recognize them:
- You
still like (love) her after she’s done something annoying.
You might be ticked off at her if she’s done something
really bone-headed, but you still want to be with her.
Not because
you’re desperate and you just want her to be the one, but
because you still truly like her.
- You’re
willing to do things that you wouldn’t have considered
in the past. Not bad
things, but things that are just weird
for you – like going to the ballet with her because she
loves it so much. You aren’t doing this because she’s guilted
you
into it, or because of some pathological need to please
her, but because you sincerely want to do things with her
that will
give her pleasure.
- You
begin to imagine the future with her in it. Not just next
week, but the next year or decade
or a lifetime.
You think
about growing into a life with her and it doesn’t nauseate
you or cause panic.
- You
feel loyal to her.
Knowing you’re in love isn’t about the excitement, although
it’s nice when you have an exciting relationship even after
you’ve been together for years. Love is about the comfort and
the feeling of being able to share your life and yourself with
her. When you start feeling like that, you can safely assume
that you’re well on your way to being in love.
Click here to learn what goes on inside a woman's head. It's a man's guide to the female mind. It's my KissMeGoodnight recommendation.
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by KissMeGoodnight.com
: 2008
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