KissMeGoodnight Article Series: Nice Guy Dating
I Just Want a Great Woman, Dammit!

Am I The Dreaded “Nice Guy?”

There are two ways of being branded a nice guy. One way is great – it means women look at you with marriage proposals in mind, hoping they can be your one and only true and lasting love forever.

Women know you’re loyal, would make a great husband and father one day, and that every other woman in the room will envy them. The other way is like the nice guy you don’t want to be – the guy everyone only wants as a brother and not a lover – but even then, you can learn to shed that bad rap.

Why do women really like in bad boys? That they look good in tight jeans? That they drive flashy cars? Nope. It’s not looks and it’s not money. Women like to feel special.

So how does a bad boy give them what they want most? First of all, they’re fixer uppers. If she can change him to be a better man, then she’s a goddess – she has power and he must really love her. (Think Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets when he says, “You make me want to be a better man.”)

He also knows how to charm her, whereas many nice guys are so shy and flustered that they can’t articulate their thoughts when they need them most. This doesn’t make her think you’re lesser of a man.

In fact, it makes her question herself. She wonders if she’s not good enough to be flirted with and charmed. Many women – even the most beautiful ones – suffer from self-esteem issues. Beauties compare themselves to other beauties, and it’s a vicious cycle of questioning their worth. What do you think drives the ever-growing plastic surgery industry? They aren’t doing it to impress us guys, they are going under the knife to compete with each other – for us!

When a nice guy stammers and ignores a woman (because he’s shy or unskilled at approaching her), she probably has no idea he’s a nice guy avoiding her because she intimidates him.

A bad girl is exciting, a bit scary, uninhibited, naughty, most likely irresponsible, and proud of it. Men seem to get a bit excited by bad girls – but they most likely don’t want to marry them, live with them, or have children with them. I’ve dated the bad girl and find many of them to be utterly selfish to boot. How unattractive.

As Rick James would say, they’re “the kind you don’t take home to mother.” That’s what bad boys are like for women. It’s true, there are women out there that for whatever reason, seem attracted only to men that are ultimately going to either break their hearts, take their money, embarrass them in public, or worse.

You’re probably not looking for those girls. And if you are, ask yourself why. Date one and you’ll change your mind. Women who are self-respecting, well-adjusted, intelligent, fun-loving, sexy, exciting, and even a bit challenging (but not in a bad, scary way), are out there sorting through the piles of bad boys, players, self-proclaimed seducers and a myriad of other guys that don’t make the cut.

These women - the kind you want to marry – are seeking a guy who is fun, sexy (which has nothing to do with good looks), exciting, intelligent, responsible, romantic, loyal, strong in character, courageous, and kind. That’s most women’s definition of a nice guy in a good way.

Don’t go look in the mirror right now and say to yourself, “But I have a crappy job and I look like a nerd and I can’t dance.” You’re using a negative mindset and that is the very reason women may not be attracted to you!

Bad boys have confidence. Nice guys usually don’t. Or, they’re SO overly confident in what a great guy they are that they come off egotistical, which is a real turnoff for either gender.

Now here’s something to add a bit of confusion, but don’t panic. Even nice girls like a guy who has certain “bad boy” qualities, but don’t go breaking hearts just yet! A bit of spontaneity, a hint of recklessness (without wreaking havoc or causing mayhem and destruction), and a devil-may-care grin is fun.

You can learn to work that into your persona and give girls what they want without altering your morals or beliefs one bit.

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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2008

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