Apologizing:
Don’t
Just SAY You’re Sorry – Prove It
- by KissMeGoodnight.com
The words, “I’m sorry” can get us out of trouble
when we’ve done something wrong or hurt someone we care about
but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing
the other person that you are truly remorseful. Apologizing
just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective
way to apologize. In doing so the recipient of the apology
will most likely see through you and realize that your apology
is insincere. A sincere and well timed apology, however, will
help to mend the relationship that was harmed by your words
or actions.
The most important way to prove that you are truly sorry for
hurting someone is to ensure that the hurtful action
is not repeated. Apologizing over and over while continuing to make
the same mistake shows that your apology is not really sincere.
On the other hand if you really mean that you are sorry for
an action you will take careful steps not to repeat this action.
Apologizing for your actions is one thing but being cautious
not to repeat your actions really proves that you are indeed
sorry.
Being
specific regarding the reason for your apology also
really proves that you are sorry. Many people are quick to
offer an apology when they realize someone is upset with them
but often they don’t take the time to figure out why the other
person is upset. Apologizing without stating the reason for
the apology shows that you don’t understand the problem and
that you aren’t sincere in your apology. This is not an effective
way to make an apology. However, if you offer a specific reason
for your apology you are proving that you understand what you
did to hurt the other person and that do not want to repeat
that action.
Another way to prove that your apology is authentic is to
be sure to offer the apology in person. Having a third party
speak to the person you have offended or apologizing via email
or voice mail conveys a lack of caring. This kind of apology
shows that you aren’t truly sorry for your actions. Meeting
with the person face to face to have a sincere conversation
and offer your apology is one way to really prove that you
are sorry. It shows that you care enough about the other person
to meet with them directly to try to make amends for your contributions
to the disagreement.
In apologizing, if you want to prove that you really mean
it, be careful not to place blame on the person you
are apologizing to. Your apology is about telling the other person why you
believe that you did something wrong. While they may have contributed
to the situation, now is not the time to point out their faults.
Instead take full responsibility for what you have done wrong.
Accepting full responsibility for your actions and apologizing
for them without placing blame on the other person will prove
that your apology is sincere.
A genuine apology will also include telling
the other person why your actions were wrong and how you intend to avoid hurting
them in the future. Doing this proves to them not only that
you understand you were wrong but that you understand why you
were wrong. It also lets them know that you have already formulated
a plan of action to ensure that this situation does not arise
in the future.
The
timing of your apology can also help to prove that you really
are sorry. Waiting too long to apologize may show that
you don’t really care and that you are simply apologizing as
an afterthought. An apology that is made too early may risk
being ignored because the recipient of the apology is still
too upset to listen to what you are saying. It’s important
to give the other person a chance to vent their anger and calm
down before rushing to apologize. After a reasonable amount
of time approach them and let them know that you understand
their anger and believe that it is justified and that you wanted
to give them a chance to calm down before apologizing.
Sometimes
it is not enough to simply apologize for your words or
actions. It is often necessary to not only apologize but
to also prove that your apology is sincere. A truly sincere
apology proves that you are sorry by addressing the issue
and acknowledging what you have done wrong while validating
the
other person’s right to be angry and addressing how you will
avoid similar actions in the future. # # # # #
KissMeGoodnight.com : 2005
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