Single
Dads:
Introduce Your Girlfriend to Your Children
- by KissMeGoodnight.com
In many ways the process that a single dad
takes when introducing their girlfriend to his children is
very similar to the process that a single mom takes when introducing
her boyfriend to her children but in other ways it is different.
There are some tips that apply to both sexes such as the timing
of the introduction and trying to understand the children’s
perspective but there are also some tips that apply
specifically to dads such as placing emphasis on the fact that
your girlfriend
is not a replacement for the children’s mother and encouraging
your girlfriend to let the children set the pace for the meeting.
In any situation the timing of the introduction of your girlfriend
to your children is critical. If you introduce your
girlfriend too early in the relationship, your children may become attached
to your girlfriend which will complicate things if the relationship
does not last. However, if you wait too long to introduce your
girlfriend to your children, your children may feel overwhelmed
to learn that the relationship has already progressed to a
serious juncture. This is a delicate balance that includes
multiple factors including the age and maturity level of the
children, the status of the relationship as well as the likelihood
that the relationship will last. For example, it may
be appropriate to introduce older children who are capable
of understanding
the complexity of a relationship to your girlfriend early on
but younger children should not be introduced unless there
is a definite chance that the relationship will lead to a serious
commitment. This is because younger children are more likely
to not understand a breakup and feel abandoned by your girlfriend
if the relationship doesn’t last.
Talking
to your children is also very important before you introduce
your girlfriend to your children. This is critical
because it gives you the chance to relate your honest intentions
with your children and offers them the chance to let you know
that they understand what you are telling them and express
any concerns that they have about meeting your girlfriend.
Your children may be scared that she will try to replace their
mother or that if they become too attached they will drive
your girlfriend away. This honest conversation is a good way
for you and your children to express your children before you
arrange for a meeting between your girlfriend and your children.
It is important to listen to your children and if they are
not comfortable with the idea it may be necessary to delay
the meeting for a little while until your children can sort
through their emotions.
One
unique challenge that dad’s face when introducing their
girlfriend to their children is the need to ensure their children
that your girlfriend is not a replacement for their mother. Children tend to develop special bonds to their mothers so
introducing them to your girlfriend can be a particularly difficult
situation. Depending on whether the mother is no longer in
the picture due to death or divorce, the children may have
different feelings about a new woman in their father’s life
and in their lives. If their mother is deceased, the children
may feel a sense of guilt and may be hesitant to meet your
girlfriend because they feel as though they not honoring their
mother’s memory by allowing another maternal figure to enter
the family. If the mother is out of the picture because of
a divorce the children may be torn about meeting their father’s
new girlfriend. They may feel as though accepting another woman
is being unfaithful to their mother. In either case it is important
to stress to your children that your girlfriend is a new addition
to your lives but not a replacement for their mother.
It
is also important to talk to your girlfriend ahead of time
to let her know what type of role you expect her to take with
the children. Many women would tend to assume a motherly role
immediately but letting your girlfriend know that your children
are apprehensive about her wanting to replace their mother
will help her to realize that she should concentrate on being
a friend to the children instead of trying to assume a motherly
role. Having this conversation will ensure that the children
do not feel threatened immediately and become suspicious of
a woman that they see as trying to replace their mother.
The father/child relationship is a unique one that requires
special considerations when it comes to introducing a girlfriend
to your children. The special relationship between a mother
and her children can complicate the issue for a single dad
who wants to introduce his girlfriend to his children.
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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2005
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