Learn
How to Say NO - and Mean It!
- by KissMeGoodnight.com
It may be hard enough to say no to a request
but really meaning it can be even harder. Many of us are already
perpetual suckers who find themselves challenged to even considering
answering no to a request. Those of us who are able to say
no, at least initially, often end up giving in and conceding
to the request because the one in need was able to see that
our answer wasn’t firm and persisted until we gave up and surrendered
to their request. A few tips for how to say no and mean it
include using a firm voice and not offering apologies for your
answer, offering a valid reason for your refusal and consistently
answering no if the request is repeated.
A
firm and determined tone in your voice is the first step to being able to really say no and mean it. If you allow your
tone to be light the person making the request of you will
probably sense that your refusal is not firm. If your voice
does not sound definitive, the other person may make the assumption
that your answer is not definitive either and will take another
opportunity to repeat their request either immediately or at
another time. A firm voice however, makes it clear that you
are not interested in answering yes to this request and that
future attempts to get you to acquiesce will be futile. The
tone of voice you use is important when saying no because it
conveys the message that you really mean no.
It
is also important to not offer apology when you say no. Doing so may lead to the person making the request believing
that you don’t really mean no. While it is acceptable to say
that you are sorry you won’t be able to help out, offering
you apology simply for saying no is not appropriate. If you
apologize for your answer, the person making the request will
sense that you can be convinced to change your answer. Apologizing
for a refusal conveys a sense of guilt and many people will
prey on that vulnerability to get you to change your mind.
Another way to convey the message when you say no is to offer
valid reasons for your refusal. This is extremely effective
because it lets the person no that your refusal is not based
on whim and that you truly have a legitimate reason for not
being able to offer your assistance. You may be too busy to
help or have other previous commitments and it is acceptable
to offer these excuses to justify your refusal. If the person
making the request understands that you would like to help
them but that it’s simply not possibly, they will be less likely
to repeat their request. Offering valid excuses for answering
no to a request proves that you really mean no and that future
attempts to get you to agree are not reasonable.
Saying
no to a request initially sometimes is not enough to
prove that you really mean no. While you may answer firmly
and without apology and offer valid excuses for your refusal,
there are some persistent people who may continue to repeat
their request in the hopes of receiving a positive answer.
In this scenario it is imperative that you be consistent and
answer no every time the request is made. In doing this you
will affirm that your answer is no. A lack of consistency may
result in the other person realizing that you can be worn down
over time and that if they continue to repeat their request
they will eventually get the answer they are seeking from you.
Saying no can be incredibly difficult but really meaning no
and being firm in your answer can be even harder. In order
to be able to say no and really mean it you have to ensure
that your tone of voice is firm and that your answer does not
offer apologies. You also have to be sure that you offer valid
reasons for your answer and that your answer remains consistent
no matter how many times the request is made. All of this can
be difficult especially if you are truly interested in helping
others but you also need to realize that you have a right to
say no for any reason and that your answer should be respected.
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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2005
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