Differences
Between Men and Women
in Relationships: "He Said / She Said"
- by KissMeGoodnight.com
The term, “He said/she said” is often heard
in the unfortunate case of rape. In this situation the term
applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence
on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine
who’s story they believe and the case becomes one of her word
against his. These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding
he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship.
Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties
may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem
that men and women think and process information differently.
The differences between men and women include differences
in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication. A
successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference
between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she
said scenarios.
Men
and women have a different thought process when it comes
to solving problems. While both sexes are capable of solving
problems equally well the thought process involved in coming
to a resolution varies between men and women. For men a problem
is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving
skills in a quick and efficient manner. Men see having the
problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the
best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient.
Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to
work together and reach a resolution. Women relish the chance
to communicate about the problem and the act of working together
to solve the problem is more important than actually solving
the problem. Women may feel closer to their partner, even if
the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution
process drew them closer together. Understanding that women
and men view the problem solving process differently will help
a relationship to prosper.
Sensitivity
is another area where men and women differ. Women
have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This
heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to
act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s
sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well
as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings
into consideration above logic. However, men do not have the
same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to
make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings
and emotions into consideration. This disparity can result
in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes
that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if
they make a decision that has this effect while the man may
grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational
decision. Realizing that this difference exists will help a
couple go get beyond he said/she said.
Men
and Women also differ in terms of memory. Men have a memory
that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details
of an event by making an association with something concrete
such as a location or item. For example men are more apt to
remember an event that took place in a location that they are
able to visualize well. Women on the other hand have a memory
that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions
felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar
emotions. This type of memory is especially problematic because
when I women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able
to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless
the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source
of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don’t
understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that
is so vivid to them.
Men
and Women also often have different communication styles
which can complicate a relationship. Men tend to be more introspective
about their problems and choose to deal with them internally
and without discussing them with their partner. When they do
decide to discuss a problem it’s usually after much thought
and careful consideration. Women on the other hand enjoy conversing
about their problems with their partner and believe that doing
so helps them to understand their problem better and come to
a solution more easily. Women often use communication as a
method for reaching a conclusion. They view the discussion
as a way to figure out a solution. The he said/she said aspects
of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and
disappointment in a relationship.
Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem
solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship.
Careful observance and understanding of these differences is
necessary for a relationship to flourish. Understanding these
he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond
them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship in
regards to gender differences.
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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2005
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