KissMeGoodnight
Article Series: Save My Relationship
Uh Oh. I Need To Save My Relationship...NOW!
Making
Up 101 - Immediate Steps You Can Take
Losing a loving relationship can cause physical
pain as well as mental anguish. You may feel that a band is
wrapped tightly around your chest and it’s difficult to breathe
– especially when you think of the good times you had together
or the words or actions that led to the breakup.
You may also be confused and angry, knowing that you want
him back, but clueless about how to do it and still retain
your dignity and pride. If the breakup was totally your fault
a simple, heartfelt apology might do the trick. But relationships
are usually more complicated than that and making up requires
more thought and planning.
You can think and plan later – but the most immediate concern
should be staying together until you can work out your problems,
whatever they may be. If you know that the two of you still
have a connection and you both want the relationship to succeed
– stop and think about the following steps designed to keep
you together until you can sort through the ruins of your relationship.
Immediate Steps You Can Take to Keep Your Relationship Intact:
Call a truce!
Swallow your pride and tell him or her that you’d like to
try and make the union work – together. Don’t leave or allow
the other person to leave in haste and anger. You can compromise
later, but right now the most important step you can take is
to calm down, call a truce and then think it through.
Allow
space for awhile
After you’ve agreed to stay together and work out your problems,
it may be best if you give each other some space until you
can think things out and then come together more rational rather
than emotional. One of you may want to sit down and talk right
away. Don’t. Opt for some space and time until you can approach
the relationship problems calmly.
Agree
that you’ll disagree
A disagreement of sorts is threatening your relationship,
so it’s imperative that when you do discuss problems, you both
agree to hear what the other has to say before you express
disagreement. You may never come together on a point of view,
but at the very least you can respect the other’s opinion.
Identify
the problem
The blowup that made you both want to run away may not be
the root problem. Perhaps you’ve been silently seething about
something that the other is oblivious to. The problems may
be imagined or real, but you both have to acknowledge it before
you can work it out.
Be
patient
One conversation or meeting may not put your relationship
back on track immediately. You may never reach a complete understanding.
Be patient with the process and keep in mind what you want
the result to be. If you’re making the effort to patch things
up, patience and time are on your side.
Listen!
Stay calm and listen to what your partner has to say before
you fly off on a tangent and say things that you’ll probably
regret later. By listening to the words (even though you might
not agree), you’ll be sending the message that you really want
to understand. Also, notice his expressions and body language.
They’ll offer many clues to what he’s really feeling.
Be
ready to compromise
You and your partner are probably not going to agree on everything
you want to happen. At this point, try to find a compromise
that you can both live with – without letting go of your own
morals or beliefs.
Seek
counseling
A counselor may be the best route to successfully solving
problems that pose a risk to your relationship. Even if your
partner refuses to participate, you can help yourself by having
an objective person to talk to. Never ask friends or relatives
to take sides and help you solve the problems. You may resent
them if they agree with your partner’s point of view.
It’s important that you go slowly when attempting to repair
your relationship. If you completely ignore the problems you
know are there and leap back into the liaison, the same issues
will arise again and again, threatening your happiness and
your future together.
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KissMeGoodnight.com
: 2009
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