KissMeGoodnight
eLearning Series:
Your Sexual Health
Sexual
Health:
Communication and Romantic Intimacy
Why do some people seem to get everything
they want in the way of romantic intimacy, while others cannot
get even what they need? Being sexually successful is not a
matter of how you look, how old you are, or how much you earn.
It is more about your attitude, manners, and social skills.
Here are 10 common sense tips on negotiating your way to great
romantic intimacy.
1.
First impressions count. Look and act your best. This is
not the time to beat yourself up about your imperfections or
to take out your frustrations with the world. This is the time
to let a partner know that you are ready and able to have a
fun time.
2.
Pay attention. Take a few minutes to absorb some information
about your potential partner. Get a sense of the kind of person
she or he is – shy or aggressive, extroverted, or reserved?
Then fine-tune your approach to him or her. People are not
interchangeable; so do not treat everyone exactly the same
way.
3.
Be complimentary. Find something about the person that
you like. Does he or she have nice hair or lovely eyes, a great
figure or beautiful hands? Are they spiritual, intelligent,
or funny? Learning to appreciate people’s qualities, and letting
them know you do, is key to success in your romantic endeavors.
4.
Leave the negativity at home. The kiss of death is when
you bring tired old baggage into play. Romantic intimacy is
about pleasure, fun, relaxation, healing, and connecting with
another human being. Do not talk about your bad relationships
or gas prices, bar fights or work frustrations. Focus on the
good times you can have with this person, and not the bad times
you have had with others.
5.
Flirt. A whole book could be written on the subject, but
suffice to say that flirting puts people in a good mood and
warms them up sexually. Flirting includes can include paying
compliments, making teasing comments or light-hearted jokes,
and talking about fantasies or things you would like to do
together. It does NOT include demeaning jokes, insults, or
obscene language.
6.
Ask for what you want. Asking does not guarantee you will
get it, but it certainly improves your chances. Show or tell
your lover what things excite you the most. If your partner
needs some convincing, take baby steps towards your ultimate
goal.
7.
Control yourself. The difference between
immature romantic intimacy and adult romantic intimacy is
that adults learn to
control their impulses. Unfortunately, way too many adults
keep acting sex-crazed and immature long after it is acceptable
or attractive. Sexual excitement is no excuse for trying to
force someone to do things that make him or her uncomfortable.
When your partner says "no" to something, accept
the limit and gracefully and move on to something else. Rude
or abusive behavior are not appreciated or tolerated.
8.
Don’t confuse fantasy with reality. You meet an incredibly
desirable person and, in your mind, you just know you would
have mind-blowing romantic intimacy together. You are lucky
if you do. Do not ruin your chances with them by assuming that
YOUR fantasy obligates THEM to fulfill it. Instead, feel them
out – are they getting the same vibes? Does your idea turn
them on as much as it does you? Talk it over before trying
to talk them into it.
9.
Set limits on both sides and stick to them. Communicate
clearly about what you like and dislike, what words or fantasies
are exciting and which ones are not. Remember that what is
hot to one person could be like a cold shower to another. If
your partner lets you know that he or she does not want to
act out a particular, fantasy or engage in a particular act,
do not try to force them into it. You can always find someone
else who is more compatible with you and will be delighted
to indulge you.
10.
Be polite. Some of the sexiest words in
any language are "Please," "thank
you," and "you’re welcome." No matter how raunchy
the situation, politeness shows that you respect your partners
and value their company, and it makes you look classy. Your
positive energy will make them trust you more and grow more
open to trying new and exciting things with you.
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KissMeGoodnight.com
: 2006
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