KissMeGoodnight eLearning Series:
Your Sexual Health

Teenagers: Sex or Virginity

You can walk down the street and ask ten different people what their view on virginity is and you will probably come back with ten different answers. What does it mean to have or lose your virginity? Many people who feel strongly about one or the other side of this issue often make much of what a lover "owes" their partner.

Views range from: 1) you should remain a virgin because your spouse deserves a pure mate. 2) Get rid of your virginity when you can because your spouse deserves to be with someone who knows what they are doing. Neither one of these attitudes is healthy nor will it help the teenager figure out what they are to do with their sexuality. Virginity is not solely about keeping it or losing it.

Sexuality is a wonderful and you will be a better person for having learned about it, but the best value is that it can help you grow. You owe it to yourself, and to your future partner, to be honest about what you want. Saying that you "owe it" to anyone to keep your lose your virginity takes the pleasure and fun out of the first experience and turns it into an obligation that is to benefit someone else. The simplest thing to remember is that you should be the one who decides when you are going to have sex and with whom because you want to and not for any other reason. You owe it to the person you are with to respect them, not to judge them, and to be honest about your own preferences and concerns.

Being a teenager is very difficult regarding the issue of virginity. The guys are talking about the girls that are not a virgin and the girls are talking about the guys who like to sleep around. This pressure can be intense for both sexes. It is important to remember that your decision should be based on what is right for you. The choice to have sex is one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make. Each person must use his or her own judgment and decide if it is the right time and the right person.

Before you make the decision to have sex or not, think about the following:

If you decide you want to have sex what methods of birth control have you considered? Many teenagers have thought, “I can’t get pregnant if I just have sex one time,” and nine months later, they are parents.

Consider the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases. It would be a good idea to either talk to your doctor or parents about this and the steps to take to prevent them.

There are emotional considerations. Although the body is ready physically, you or the person you are considering having sex with may not be emotionally ready.

Consider your family values and religious beliefs

Your inner voice – throughout your teenage years you are learning to listen to that inner voice guide you through life. This is one of those times to check in with yourself and listen carefully to how you really feel about this decision.

When teens are in a relationship, one person wants to have sex although the other one does not. Again, what matters most differs from person to person. Regardless of the situation, the differences can place stress on a relationship. Do not compromise what you think is right.

As with almost every other major decision in life, it is important not to give your power away to someone else no matter what they may tell you. They may say to you “if you truly love me you would have sex with me.” They are looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex. If someone says that not having sex after doing other kinds of fooling around will cause him or her physical pain, this is also a sign that that person is thinking only of himself or herself. If you feel you should have sex because you are afraid of losing that person, this person might not be the right one for you. Sex should be an expression of love, not something a person feels that he or she must do. If a boyfriend or girlfriend truly loves you, he or she will not push or pressure you to do something you do not believe in or are not ready for yet.

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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2006

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