KissMeGoodnight Article Series: Dating Tips For Women
I Just Want a Great Guy, Dammit!

Sex and Intimacy Advice When Dating

Inside every adult male is their sex-crazed adolescent self still trying to push the limits. In his mind, there is a magic number of dates after which you automatically have sex. He may think it’s two or three dates or maybe two or three hours into the first date.

Meanwhile, you think he’s sexy, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to slide between the sheets with him. So how do you know when the time is right? For generations, mothers have repeated the admonition, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

That homespun example tells you that if you give sex too soon, then he has no reason to make a commitment. If sex for you demands at least a serious relationship with the potential to become permanent, then hold off until the time is right for you.

On the other hand, you don’t expect him to hang around if all he gets is a polite peck on the cheek at the end of the evening. It’s a difficult line to walk between prude and slut. Another great truth is that men are quick to announce declarations of love to get sex and women give in on sex in the hope that it will lead to love.

At any point in the deal if either party is dishonest, then the physical connection becomes profane. As a woman, you crave intimacy with your guy. If he’s mature enough to keep himself in check, you can both enjoy some closeness and touching that builds intimacy without pushing things too far too fast.

A smart guy knows that he keeps his zipper shut long enough to build genuine caring and intimacy. Then when the time is right he’s going to have the best sex of his life. It’s all about putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own - something that women have done for centuries and men still sometimes don’t comprehend.

If you don’t give him sex, you might lose him. Then let him go. His insistence on sex early in the dating relationship tells you that it’s all about him and you are merely a convenience.

Do you want to be his whore, his toy or his maid? That’s sex not intimacy. If you start out merely meeting his sexual needs and taking leftovers for yourself, don’t expect it to get any better if you do form a long term relationship.

No matter how he tries to argue the point, sex is not the way to find out whether you are compatible as a couple. Sex is only one aspect of your relationship. There are plenty of couples who have wild, fantastic sex but can’t get along in a normal conversation.

They passed the sex test, but they still went through a messy divorce. How reliable was that test? He may also tell you that the relationship will only progress as long as you continue to have sex.

With that kind of twisted logic, then as soon as you have sex, you are in a committed relationship. Wrong. The so called “friends with benefits’ may have regular sex and in no way consider themselves in a committed relationship.

Intimacy is what connects couples through all types of joys and sorrows - including times when due to distance or illness, sex isn’t possible. If you want to find that kind of intimate relationship, you won’t find it in the bedroom on the first date.

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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2008

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