KissMeGoodnight Article Series: Dating Tips For Women
I Just Want a Great Guy, Dammit!

Ladies, Stop Seeking Approval From Men

Somewhere in time, women became known as “the weaker sex.” Tell that to Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Annie Oakley or Susan B. Anthony. Obviously those women, an entire tribe of Amazons and possibly many of your friends would fiercely disagree.

So why are you surrendering yourself to get the approval of some guy? You’re falling for an idea that psychologists call the “approval trap.” Before you start to defend yourself, yes, it’s great when you get affirmation from friends and co-workers for what you do.

The problem is when you depend on their approval for who you are. See the difference? Handing over your self-esteem to anyone is a dangerous and usually damaging choice. The person whose approval you believe that you must have can respond honestly or dishonestly.

He could choose to be an encourager to you or verbally take you down to his Neanderthal level. You’re making a sucker bet by changing yourself to gain his approval. The price is simply too high.

To attract a man who is secure in himself and ready to be an equal partner in a relationship, you have to be that kind of person. Like minds attract. If you’re an insecure and clingy woman who has no idea who she is, then why do you think you’ll attract a man who is the opposite?

The type of man that you don’t want is counting on you to play the old role of doing whatever it takes to snag him. Maybe you cut your hair when you don’t want to or spend a week’s paycheck to add hair weaves when you prefer short hair.

Then you change your wardrobe from business classic to streetwalker glam because that’s what he likes. You “learn” to drink or smoke because he wants you to do it even though you’ve been adamantly opposed to both.

In no time, you make excuses to ditch your friends because he wants to “be alone” or “expand your circle.” The way to snag this guy is to give up your life and your identity to be his personal toy. Bad deal for you, great deal for him.

History also shows men as pursing the Holy Grail or the buried treasure. When motivated that the prize is worth the effort, men go to any lengths to win. What if that treasure is you?

Are you presenting yourself as a treasure, a person of great worth? You do that by being your authentic self. The right kind of man respects consistency and self esteem in a woman and he won’t ask you to change into something you aren’t.

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KissMeGoodnight.com : 2008

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